Feeling Unprepared for 1:1s Is Usually a Memory Problem
The awkward silence before “anything else?”
Your manager opens the 1:1: “So, how’s everything going?” Your mind goes blank. You know there were things you wanted to discuss—concerns, questions, updates—but in the moment, you can’t remember any of them.
You default to “things are fine” and let your manager set the agenda. The meeting ends, and on the walk back to your desk, three important topics suddenly flood back to memory.
Feeling unprepared for one on ones is frustrating, but it’s not a character flaw. It’s a memory problem with a simple solution.
Why 1:1s are uniquely hard to prepare for
Unlike structured meetings with agendas, manager one on one meetings often have open formats. You’re expected to bring topics, but those topics accumulate throughout the week, not right before the meeting.
Here’s why the format works against memory:
Topics emerge at unpredictable times
A blocking issue appears on Tuesday. A career question strikes you Wednesday night. By Thursday’s 1:1, both have faded from immediate memory.
There’s no natural trigger
You don’t think “I should remember this for my 1:1” in the moment. The need to recall only arises when the meeting starts—too late for reliable retrieval.
The meeting pressure doesn’t help
When your manager asks what you want to discuss, there’s implicit pressure to have something valuable to say. This pressure makes it even harder to think clearly.
One-on-ones compete with “real work”
Preparing for 1:1s feels like overhead compared to coding or shipping. It’s easy to deprioritize until the meeting is imminent.
The cost of unprepared 1:1s
Consistently unprepared 1:1s have real consequences:
Missed opportunities for support. Your manager can’t help with problems you don’t mention. Blockers persist longer than they should.
Weaker relationships. 1:1s build trust and rapport. When meetings are shallow, relationships stay surface-level.
Less visibility into your work. Managers use 1:1s to understand what you’re accomplishing. If you can’t articulate it, they may underestimate your contributions.
Career conversations don’t happen. Important topics like growth, promotions, and career goals get crowded out by daily operational stuff—or by nothing at all.
Wasted time. An unprepared 1:1 often becomes either an awkward status update or a manager-driven agenda that may not address your actual needs.
How to prepare for 1:1 meetings effectively
The solution is simple: capture topics as they occur, not when the meeting starts.
Keep a running 1:1 doc
Create a shared document (or private note) where you add topics throughout the week. When something comes up that you want to discuss, add it immediately—even if it’s just a few words.
Track discussion points for meetings in real-time
When you hit a blocker, jot it down. When a career question arises, write it. When you accomplish something you want to share, note it. This takes seconds and ensures nothing is lost.
Review before the meeting
Spend 2-3 minutes before your 1:1 scanning your notes. Prioritize if needed—you don’t have to discuss everything, but you want to hit the important items.
Organize by category
Group topics by type: blockers, wins, questions, career, feedback. This structure helps you balance tactical and strategic conversations.
Don’t delete old topics
Crossed-off items create a record of what you’ve discussed. This is valuable for tracking patterns and remembering past conversations.
What to bring to 1:1 meeting preparation
Good 1:1s balance several types of topics:
Progress and wins. What have you accomplished? What are you proud of? Share updates your manager might not know about.
Blockers and challenges. Where are you stuck? What do you need help with? Be specific about what would unblock you.
Questions and clarifications. What priorities are unclear? What context are you missing? 1:1s are a good time to ask.
Feedback requests. How can you improve? Is there anything you should do differently? Asking for feedback shows growth orientation.
Career and growth. Where do you want to develop? What opportunities are you interested in? These conversations need dedicated time.
Relationship building. Not everything needs to be work-related. Sharing context about your life builds trust and rapport.
Making 1:1s genuinely valuable
Prepared 1:1s transform from awkward check-ins into genuinely valuable conversations. When you bring specific topics:
- You get help with actual problems
- Your manager understands your work better
- Career conversations happen naturally
- The relationship deepens
- You leave feeling heard and supported
The difference isn’t about spending hours preparing. It’s about spending seconds throughout the week capturing topics as they arise.
Start before your next 1:1
Between now and your next manager one on one meeting, try this:
- Create a doc or note labeled “1:1 topics”
- Add any current topics you can think of right now
- Throughout the week, add new topics as they come up
- Before the meeting, review and prioritize
- Walk in prepared
One week is enough to feel the difference. You’ll walk into your 1:1 with confidence, knowing exactly what you want to discuss—because you captured it when it mattered.
Feeling unprepared for 1:1s isn’t a personal failing. It’s just a system problem waiting for a simple fix.